1. book a red eye and leave with a black eye 11

2. we put the hospital in hospitality 10

3. early boarding, late boarding, and now water boarding 9

4. new menu: chinese takeout on every flight! 9

5. not enough seating, prepare for a beating 9

6. yo adrienne, i made it off the plane! 8

7. life is a journey, sometimes it's a drag 7

8. we treat you worse than we treat your luggage 7

9. the prices can't be beat, but you can 6

10. united airlines. we'll kick your ass 4

11. mile high club and now fight club 4